Cars 2 (2011)

Cars 2

Written by Ben Queen

Directed by John Lasseter

Accompanying Short: Toy Story Toons: Hawaiian Vacation

Written by Erik Benson, Jason Katz, & Gary Rydstrom

Directed by Gary Rydstrom

Prior to starting this list, I had seen most of the Pixar films already; there’s five out of twenty-two that I hadn’t seen. I mention this because, unfortunately, that means I had to watch this god-awful movie for a SECOND time. In my review for Cars, I explained my reasonings for not being a big fan of this franchise. To recap: I don’t like or have any interest in cars, car racing, Owen Wilson, and/or Larry the Cable Guy. I don’t mind Mater all THAT much, but he can definitely get really old really quick. SO GUESS WHO THE MOVIE FOCUSES ON??

Barbie and Ken on their “Hawaiian vacation”

I’m getting ahead of myself. I ended my review for Toy Story 3 by saying that I would love to see a spin-off film of Barbie and Ken, and the short Toy Story Toons: Hawaiian Vacation grants my wish. Now, it’s not feature length, but it’s just enough of a taste to be reminded why these two characters crack me up. When Ken is devastated that he and Barbie aren’t taken to Hawaii with Bonnie and her family, Woody and the gang pull together a makeshift Hawaiian vacation for the couple. It’s sweet and hilarious, and just short enough to not overstay its welcome.

Cars 2, on the other hand, overstays its welcome almost immediately. There are so many things in this film that annoy me, so strap in and get ready:

I

First of all, where the first film was at least grounded in some reality (besides the sentient cars), this film really stretches the limits of believability. In the first film, the cars still weren’t able to do a whole lot that a car couldn’t do…actions they would perform would have reactions and consequences. Here, cars just physically do whatever they want with no repercussions to them: they slam into things (and each other) and defy the laws of physics with barely a dent to them. It’s as if in the first film, the filmmakers said, “Let’s try to make these as believable as possible (considering the premise)” and in this film, it’s like a child playing with a car set: no real physical damage occurs to anything (except for the ones that are exploded by the heat-ray-gun (YES, THAT’S A REAL PLOT POINT)).

STRONGLY DISLIKE

Speaking of the plot, let’s talk about how awful THAT is. In some of the clunkiest dialogue I’ve heard, we learn that McQueen is wrapping up his racing season to come home to spend time with Mater and Sally. We learn this (and of the off-screen/between-films demise of Doc Hudson (which, as a plot point, I understand)) through dialogue that is so unnatural, it hurts. It’s essentially two people discussing things that they already know, solely for the benefit of the audience to hear it and get caught up to speed. Here’s a fake example to illustrate my point: “Give me the phone.” “Why?” “I’m going to call my sister who lives in Portland. She has three kids and married too young.” See what I mean? No one ACTUALLY talks like that. The first twenty minutes of the film is packed with dialogue like that, and it’s aggravating beyond belief.

THIS

There’s also the bad storytelling that abounds through the film. So much of the plot happens simply because characters hear but don’t LISTEN to each other. Mater gets caught up in international espionage (yes, really) all stemming from lemon cars wanting to discredit alternative fuel to make other cars dependent on them (YES, REALLY), and all because someone makes an assumption and somehow ignores the GIANT FLASHING NEON LIGHTS THAT POINT TO MATER JUST BEING A TOW TRUCK, INCLUDING HIM TELLING THEM THAT FACT MULTIPLE TIMES. The spies in this film are awful, and need to be retired, if this film is any indication as to how they normally perform their jobs. Also, in the film’s climax, McQueen is put into unnecessary danger because he ALSO doesn’t listen to Mater when he tells McQueen that he (Mater) has a bomb bolted to his engine (IT’S A KIDS FILM IT’S FINE). All these cars need to do is just listen, and then the film would be all of about 30 minutes long (WHICH IS STILL TOO LONG).

MOVIE

Finally, there’s just TOO. MUCH. MATER. I mentioned that he’s a great side character, but he is so overused here that it’s beyond grating. Above all, this film feels as if it was made to either fulfill contract obligations or to sell merchandise (or both). The film isn’t AWFUL (the art direction, particularly the Japan sequences, is gorgeous), but this film, while generally a commercial success, finally broke the winning critical streak for Pixar.

SHORT GRADE: A

FILM GRADE: D-