Home on the Range (2004)

Written and Directed by Will Finn & John Sanford

I had never seen this film before. All I knew about it was that Rosanne (yes, THAT Roseanne) voiced the main character, and that it pretty much killed 2D (hand drawn) animation at Walt Disney Animation Studios (until Princess and the Frog came along in five years). So, I didn’t have high hopes for this film.

Well, let me tell you: I was 100% right.

That’s…a design

It’s hard to place the blame on any one aspect. A big part could be, I hate Westerns. I can’t think of a single Western thing I like, besides Westworld and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad. The Wild West just isn’t my thing (although, thanks to Thunder, I say “Howdy” way more in regular life than should be allowed, especially for living in the OC).

The three leading…cows

The casting is...unusual. For a while, a big part of marketing the animated films was making a big deal over who was voicing the characters. For Home on the Range, it’s as if they went through all the B-list celebrities on the Renaissance films (yes, with a handful of A-list celebrities CALM DOWN) and started dipping into the C-list. Roseanne and Jennifer Tilly play two of the three cows (Judi Dench plays the third, which at least helps), and their characters are...Roseanne and Jennifer Tilly. Same with Buck, played by Cuba Gooding, Jr. It’s just his same shtick. There isn’t any ACTING involved.

Perhaps the problem is the plot: it’s a 30-45 minute story spread thin over almost 80 minutes. It’s also completely ridiculous: three cows go catch a bounty (a man) to save their farm. Doing this involves catching up to him (ignoring the fact that he’s on a horse, and they’re, you know, COWS), cornering him in his secret lair (despite this NOT being one of those movies where the animals and humans can understand one another), and turning him over to the Sheriff (WHICH INVOLVES THE THREE COWS EFFORTLESSLY OPERATING A STEAM TRAIN BY THEMSELVES). The “dramatic tension” (I have to put that in quotes here, because I can’t take it seriously otherwise) involves Roseanne’s and Dench’s characters, who differ on how to solve the problem. These two spend the whole movie arguing about this, except that it’s always the same argument from both of them. There’s never a raise in the stakes for either of them; they just keep lobbing the same reasons back and forth. 

SOMEONE EXPLAIN THE LOGIC OF THIS

Also, that train? IT HIT A BUNCH OF PEOPLE AND EVERYONE WAS FINE. This film, and Fox and the Hound, teaches millions of children that getting hit by an oncoming train will have no effect whatsoever.

It’s a film that, I imagine, children will love, because it’s a lot of bright colors, frenetic movement, and even some burp humor. As an adult, it’s not as great. It doesn’t get the lowest score I’ve given, but it’s down there.

FINAL GRADE: D